Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
