i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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