good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize