thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
