my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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