I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
