Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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