I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
