During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
