Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize