they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
