jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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