I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
