party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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