Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
