I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
