I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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