My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
