You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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