so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
