My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
