I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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