What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
