You're completely useless in the revolution.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
