he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think your dad took our porno
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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