We won't sleep together?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
