You just made me feel so damn special
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
