i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
