just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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