just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
