Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
