having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
