I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he just fucked me for my cheese..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
