Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
