Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
