Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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