I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
