my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
