I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
