Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
