Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
