Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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