quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
