She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
