I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
