took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
