why do cheetos always look like penises
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
