i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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