now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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