I'm going to jail i love you
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
