I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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