what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
