so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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