I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
