dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize