Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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