You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
