Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
