Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
