I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
