i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
