Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
