you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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