When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sober January is a disaster.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
