I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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