And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
