If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
