Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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