Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Panties = found
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