Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
