So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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