I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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