Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
