apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
