Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
