____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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