Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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