I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
