Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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